For singles, surrounding yourself with friends can be just as important as finding a mate

Tom Blake. File photo
Tom Blake. File photo

By Tom Blake

Each January, I get emails from lonely singles similar to one I received this week from a south Orange County woman.

She wrote, “I was married for 45 years and am a widow of eight years. I would love to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, someone who needs me as much as I need him.

“I am attractive, slender and live in a country-club atmosphere that I dearly love. I am 78, in very good health, active and wanting to live again, but I don’t know how to go about it. My female friends have husbands and not much time for me. I don’t know where to find ‘girlfriends’—someone to have lunch or go to a movie with. I hope you can give me some ideas.”

I responded: You are living again, by being active and enjoying your country-club atmosphere. Focus first on making new female friends. At your age, that’s a heck of a lot easier than meeting a man to share your life with. The ratio of single women to single men at 78 is about 6-to-1.

Besides, you can live a great life without a man. Even if you meet a man, there is no guarantee that the relationship will be a picnic. Expand your boundaries and circle of friends beyond the ones in your neighborhood. However, don’t give up that aspect of your life. Who knows? A married man can become a widower unexpectedly.

Try these six activities to make new girlfriends:

1. Check out, a website that lists all kinds of activities in Orange County. You could find an activity or two that you enjoy and most certainly would make new friends.

2. Senior centers throughout south Orange County are places to meet other seniors. You might check out the centers’ agendas and give one or two of them a try.

3. Internet dating is an option for seniors, via sites such as However, there are lots of scammers out there trying to prey on lonely older women, so I would be very careful using the Internet to date at your age.

4. Widow and widower clubs are good places to meet other widowed people who can understand your situation. You can also find them on the website.

5. Try a Meet and Greet gathering at Tutor and Spunky’s, my Dana Point deli, on the last Thursday of each month, from 5 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. It’s a great place to meet new friends. This month’s gathering is on January 30. Visit to find out more.

6. Attend a Woman Sage salon meeting. This organization meets monthly in Costa Mesa next to the Performing Arts Center in The Center Club, from 5:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. The Woman Sage salons feature lectures by local authors, discussion groups and dinner. The next salon is Tuesday, February 11. On that night, I will be on a panel there discussing dating after 50. If you attend, please say “Hello.” For reservations and information, visit

Regardless of what activities you pursue, doing so will take time, energy, a little money and enthusiasm. Whether or not you meet a man, I can’t say, but you will be making lots of new female friends and enriching your life. That’s a great way to start.

To comment, email Tom at

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comments (1)

  • When going out on a date have a plan for your
    first date, revolve it around the person you are meeting
    up with and what would be of interest to both of you. For instance, online dating and chat for fun is what most singles turn to on the Internet, and sites
    such as American Singles or fully meet their needs. These are a
    few things to consider when trying to find the right online dating service.

comments (1)

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