Each week, I distribute by email an online Senior Dating blog. In last week’s edition, I quoted an email that Trish, 62, divorced 10 years, sent to me. Her email got my attention, because she wrote that she is “an angry woman” and questioned whether she can ever love again. In detail, she described her relationship with a man aged 69.
Trish says she sees the man almost daily, and he adores her and wants to marry her. She described him as a Southern redneck with no class and little education. He does maintenance projects for free around her house. There is no physical aspect to their relationship. She’s not interested in a relationship with him. She wonders if she’s being fair to him.
Trish’s story struck a chord with many eNewsletter subscribers, especially women. Here’s what 12 of them wrote (edited for brevity):
Dee: “I cannot imagine why a 62-year-old woman, or a 69-year-old man, would accept a no-physical-contact relationship. She has deep-seated issues, and if I were him, I would run as fast as I could, since eventually, her obvious disdain of him will wear him down emotionally and mentally.”
Margaret: “No physical stuff. She must be kidding.”
Kaitte: “I’m 71, and have been single for 23 years. Trish should talk to him and be honest laying all your cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. If he wants to set her up financially, he can do that without marriage,”
Deanne: “I was with my husband for 33 years. Widowhood wiped out my confidence., and I just can’t get out there and flirt. I know I’d be a good catch, but it seems like I’m starting all over again. I wish I had signed up for the Golden Bachelor.”
Terri: “Trish needs to see a therapist. A letter to a columnist may list the issues, but it doesn’t deal with the issues in the healthy way that sessions with a good therapist can.
“Life has not always been kind to me. I’ve survived lots of losses, very serious health issues, and dealt with my life issues in therapy over the past several years.”
Susie: “Trish’s story is a lot like mine, and it hit home. I am much older, but still hope I can feel the magic again.”
Virgina: “Trish needs psychological assistance to get herself straightened out. So many mismatched red flags.
“It’s not fair to keep him around just for the surface conveniences. He may be a redneck, but he should not be taken advantage of just because he’s found someone he considers would normally be out of his reach.”
Marge: “I’m doing all I can to cope, but right now I’m in the throes of the storm. And I know that in the long run, my life will be better than it is now. I’m working very hard to meet the challenges.”
Rhen: “Trish is too self-focused to realize she should let this guy go! She has a man who views their time together so deeply differently that it seems heartbreaking to continue such an endeavor.
“Her words jerked me back and forth as she went on. Show this poor man some mercy and let him go find a lady who will embrace his giving spirit and talents.”
Shelby: “If you don’t love ’em, you’re using’ em, period. She needs to work on whatever demons haunt her.”
Regina: “Reading Trish’s situation, she just isn’t feeling it for the dude. Whereas, I want that guy! She should let him loose and give me his number!”
Laurie Jo: “What the hell is wrong with this woman? Good grief! I’m so upset at her! I can’t even keep typing.”
I will be making a presentation on the Challenges of Senior Dating on Tuesday, November 7, at the Dana West Yacht Club, 5-7 p.m. No charge. Public invited. To RSVP, contact Pat Chiku at 714.595.8672.
Tom Blake is a retired Dana Point business owner and resident who has authored books on middle-aged dating. See his website at findingloveafter50.com. To comment: firstname.lastname@example.org.