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Sometimes, just sometimes, older men out number older women

Tom Blake. File photo
Tom Blake. File photo
By Tom Blake

In the 20 years I’ve been writing about dating and finding love for the age 50 plus group, the biggest complaint I’ve heard from single women, by far, is the lack of available single men. Often these comments come at the monthly age 50 plus singles meet and greet social gatherings at Tutor and Spunky’s, my Dana Point deli.

The deli has sponsored these events from 5 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. on the last Thursday of every month for two years. Without fail, women have always outnumbered men. The ratio varies from two women to one man on a good day and has been as high as 5-to-1 on a bad day.

I’ve seen women show up, see that there aren’t enough men to go around, and leave.

When women comment about the lack of men, I explain that we do our best to recruit guys but we have to keep finding new ones. Why? Fifteen romantic couples have formed who have met at the meet and greets, including a 92-year-old man and his female friend.

Once a couple, they tend not to come back. When I see the guys later around town, I ask them why they don’t attend anymore. Some wink and say words like, “She doesn’t want me to. With all of the nice women there, she thinks I might become interested in someone else.”

A woman named Joy didn’t attend but emailed, “Bob and I are engaged. We are so blessed and are in the process of moving me into his home. We celebrated our nine-month anniversary of having met at your August 29 mixer. Without you, I don’t know if our paths would have ever crossed.”

It’s not just at our meet and greets where the ratios are difficult for women. I’ve given speeches to groups where the women-to-men ratios have been 15-to-1 or larger. It’s just the way it is in the age 50 plus dating world and it happens all over the United States. Plus, the older singles become, the greater the disparity between the number of women and men.

Our most recent meet and greet was May 29. Something happened against all odds. The first nine people to arrive were men. When Bob, one of our regulars entered, he said, “Where are the women?” I hesitated, grasping at straws, and said, “They are running a little late tonight.”

By the time everyone had arrived, including Hyam, a delightful 96-year-old sculptor, who looks 70, the ratio was just plain bizarre: men outnumbered women by 2-to-1, which is absolutely unheard of for a 50-plus singles event.

The women loved it. Dee called her daughter on her cellphone and said, “Guess what? I’m sitting here with three men at my table and Tom just bought me a beer.” Dee was all smiles.

The men were speculating on what happened. One suggested that the women were home watching the NHL Kings-Blackhawks playoff game on TV. Another guy corrected him, “No, that game is tomorrow night.” We were all puzzled.

My partner Greta commented on how much fun everyone was having despite the shortage of women. Perhaps it was the adult beverages. Bob kept cupping his hands and jokingly yelling, “Where are the women?”

This month’s meet and greet will be held at Tutor and Spunky’s, located at 34085 Pacific Coast Highway, Suite 116, on Thursday, June 26. It starts at 5 p.m. Carl the DJ will be spinning oldies. Carl’s music always brings the women through the door. They love to hit the dance floor. I bet when the word gets out, the ratio will readjust itself.

Also, on Sunday, June 22, at 4 p.m., singer and entertainer Joe Cannon will perform at Wind & Sea Restaurant, 34699 Golden Lantern. He knows the words to 750 songs from the 50s, 60s and 70s. I used to see him in Sun Valley, Idaho, after skiing. He’s terrific. Tickets at the door are $15. For more information, call 702. 860.3172. Greta and I will be there. Say hello.

For more stories visit, and to comment, email Tom at

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